Mental Break
by LoversLove
Summary: Takes place when Sean comes back on leave. Sean perspective while he is dealing with the fact that he has to go off to war. Only slightly Sean/Emma. Please Review


Mental Break.

**Mental break** (also known as **nervous breakdown** or **snapping**) is a non-medical term used to describe a sudden, acute attack of mental illness such as depression or anxiety.

Leaving for the army meant everything to me. It was the beginning of a new life for me, one without street races and jail and jealousy. One that him, and his "family" could be proud of. One that Emma could be proud of.

So why was the thought of going to fight this war destroying his mind. Every night since he had came to the Nelson-Simpson household, he had lain awake, dreading the coming day, for it was just another day closer to the day he would be shipped out. Possibly forever.

For the first time since he had enlisted had he had doubts about what he was doing. He was fit, more so then when he was a "grease monkey". He was smart, knew guns, cars, and all machinery. He was fast, could run up to three miles in less then twenty minutes. He was the perfect soldier. But that didn't matter. Even the most perfect can be shot, and killed, and sent home in a box.

And even with these thoughts in mind, he could never let his surrogate family know. They had been so good to him, he had no right to put that strain on their hearts and minds. At least he would have one final workout before being shipped off. Snake and him had planned to go to the gym tomorrow. Which meant absolutely no funny business.

Finally he let his eyes close, and the dreams wash over him. Maybe this time they wouldn't be about his death, or never coming back to Emma.

He was walking through a dark tunnel. Nothing else was there, just him and this tunnel. As he walked through, he noticed at light at the end of the tunnel, and a shilloette of a girl standing there. He walked faster curious. As he approached the girl, she got older, to what looked like around his age. She was clad in all white, practically glowing. He looked at her and smiled, she smiled back, and kissed him.

Then up ahead he saw two tunnels, one dark and the other with no light what so ever. Both seemed to approach him and this girl quickly, till they were right in front of him. He looked in one, seeing once again the light at the end, with a shilloetted angel wait for his return. And in the other, he saw nothing. Just darkness.

He hesitantly took a step into the lighter one, finding there potholes and bumps everywhere. He maneuvered his way around these obstacles, falling only a couple of times. And was pleased to see he made it to the end, to find the beautiful girl grow to about 29. He leaned in to kiss her and-

Sean woke to the sound of pots in the kitchen being clanged around. He sighed at the thought of morning, but got up anyway, and headed towards to shower. His mind still on the dream.

After breakfast, Sean pushed aside his dream and thought only about working out, and helping Snake work out too. And somewhere within the workout, he forgot that right then, he wasn't in the army. He remembered everything that his commanding officers had told him. Things that scared him for war. Things that he never wanted to think about. And he yelled them at Snake.

His mind blanked as he looked at Snake, realizing his mistake. He ran out of the gym, scared of the reprocussions of his out burst, but mostly, scared for his life after tomorrow. He ran as fast as he could till he was at their house, sitting in the bathroom on the ground with the door locked. He sat and cried for about 10 minutes, till he heard Snake come home as well.

He stood confidently and looked into the mirror, finding slightly bloodshot eyes and tear marks down his face. He grabbed the wet towel from behind the sink and washed his face, feeling the cold water calm his nerves, if only for awhile. With his eyes still bloodshot, he made his way out of the bathroom to Snake in the doorway.

His nerves came back as he explained himself. He went through everything, his fear of dying and never coming back, and his fear of not making them proud. He looked at Snake once he was finished, tears back in his eyes and whispered something that would stay in Snake's mind forever.

"I just want my family to be proud of me."

Snake hugged him hard and comforted him. He would be okay, he had to be. Snake knew that eventually, him and Emma would be together. They were in fact perfect for each other, in their own strange little way. But he knew that someone up there was keeping an eye on Sean, and he would be fine.

But now all they could do was hope.

Sean packed the box silently. It was filled with pictures of him and Emma, and a note he wrote to her in case of his death. There was also notes to the rest of the family, including Jack. All that said how he felt now, that they were his family, and he did what he had to do to protect them.

He saddened as he put his will in the box as well, in it leaving most of what he had to Emma, some of the other junk to Jay. He organized the box and smiled. Picking it up with his bag, he moved to the kitchen. "This was it", he thought, "time to say goodbye."

He gave them the box, explaining its significance, and how, in case of his death, they would open it. He swallowed hard as the word death slipped over his tongue. Snake and Spike quickly decided that the box wasn't nesseary, since he would come back sooner then he lefted.

He looked at Emma, who had been cleaning her plate when he came in. She looked gorgeous, like the girl in his dream, only so much better.

He smiled and pulled out the picture of them on their first date. He showed her, then asked her to take another one with him. One that they both knew would keep him going in the war. One that would remind him, that even though she was here, and might be living a much different life, she was his something to come back too.

They looked at each other, and Sean smiled as she made her way over to him, and pushed herself against him to have the picture taken. The Polaroid came out beautiful, and with that, Sean thanked his family and left.

His mind was peaceful for the first time as he left to go off to war.

He smiled though. He knew deep down, he would be back. He would make it through the tunnel, overcome any obstacle, and finally, be with the girl he loved.


End file.
